Internal Struggle


Picture Of Ivonne In A Running Pose

Picture Of Ivonne In A Running Pose

Internal Struggle

October 27, 2014


I’ve been doing a lot of praying, thinking, reading, and trying to process tons of information. I’ve been searching for “what is the right answer” with regards to surgery.  The recommendation from Drs. at Sloan Kettering is for me to have both a historectomy and Partial Resection of the Bladder done.  My original thought was to address my Bladder via a Partial Resection, and watch the fibroids on my uterus; the idea being that the fibroids are likely benign.


On one hand, a historectomy and Partial Resection of the Bladder sounds reasonable.  There would only be one surgery rather than two, if the decision is to address the Bladder now and remove the uterus later.  Also, if the tumor in my bladder possibly came from the uterus, which isn’t known for sure, then the historectomy would eliminate a potential reoccurance of any cancer growths.


On the other hand, if the fibroids on the uterus are indeed benign, the historectomy is irreversible. There is no way of knowing whether the fibroids are truly benign other than by removing the uterus.  This has caused me a great deal of frustration because Drs. just will not biopsy the fibroids unless the uterus is removed.


In one of my Deepak Chopra readings, I came across a Sutra – Sat Chit Ananda.  This sutra means “My inner dialogue reflects the fire of my soul; truth, knowingness, bliss.”. The mantra also indicates that “I am focused on the journey, not the destination…A deeply profound ocean of calm exists within me that is not affected by any turbulence.”


As I read this Sutra, it resonated with me in a powerful way, and yet I wasn’t sure why.  Giving it more thought though, I saw so many appplications of the sutra to my life.  There was and still is a lot for me to learn from my cancer diagnosis.  My task is to learn as much as I can, to share with others my learnings along the way, and in the process to feel empowered while empowering others to learn, ask questions, and live life to its fullest! Living life to its fullest is making sure we take and live life One Day At A Time.  We can be greatful for the opportunities, friendships/relationships, and joys we have today, because tomorrow is a new day with many unknowns!  It is also about acknowledging how experiences may change us and being honest about what brings us happiness and wellbeing.


It was then that I saw the Historectomy in a different light; If I have both the historectomy and the Partial Resection of the Bladder, then I can honestly say that I have done all I could do at this time (today) to address any possible cancer reoccurance in the future.  I will have faith in my decision, and with God by my side, continue moving forward on my life’s journey.  It’s not about what others may think is best for us, deep in our soul we each know what is best for ourselves!